Revision

When I think of revision, I think of changes to your writing that generally result in improvements. Revisions are something very important to good writing, but are also greatly overlooked when presented with time constraints. When I am writing, revising is low on my priority list — rather, I focus on just getting it done and getting it turned in because I often have several essays due at the same time and don’t have time to worry about revising.

When I do revise, I usually will read the essay aloud and see where I stumble. I review the notes I took about the outline of the writing and make sure I hit all the necessary points and gave them the amount of attention and detail they deserve. I will often have a friend listen to it and have them give me any feedback about anything that is confusing or that they found interesting but I didn’t explain enough. Also, this allows me to find any words or phrases that I overuse but wouldn’t have noticed just reading it on paper. Afterwards, I will print out the paper because it is always easier for me to find errors in print as opposed to on the computer. I will sometimes map out the main points of each paragraph and make sure they are in a logical order and see if any could be moved around to more effectively prove my point.

Overall, I think my style of editing is fairly effective. I usually do notice improvements in my writing if I make time to revise, although that doesn’t always happen. 

Peer Review

I have never done a peer review before, but would speculate that a good peer review would be thorough while still offering constructive criticism. It would do a good job pointing out any blatant errors as well as grammar mistakes but wouldn’t tear down the person’s work. It is important in a peer review to offer examples of how to improve the piece of work rather than just point out what is wrong with it. It will present the corrections that need to be made concisely and clearly so there is no confusion for the writer.

A bad peer review wouldn’t put a lot of thought into the editing of it. It would point of blatant mistakes and may skim over other mistakes such as grammar or any logical fallacies. It would not offer areas of improvement and may make the writer feel incompetent or confused. If the corrections are not clear and concise, it may be more work for the author than it is a help. 

Changing the World

I do believe that writing has the power to change the world. I do believe that a simple idea can bring about radical change, and that the way you express that idea is the key to success. We as humans are transitory, we are born and die every single day, but the words and ideas that we leave behind will outlive us by centuries. Words have both the power to incite a revolution and to end one, but most of all, I believe that words have the power to unite us to a common purpose and a common decency.

If I were to share one idea with the world, it would be that society has its priorities all wrong and that this needs to be changed. We value money and things over mankind and human connections; we’d rather have a dollar in our pocket than a smile from a friend. And in this prioritization we will find our downfall. We will kill in the name of money and power without blinking an eye — without considering that the people we are killing are just trying to live, as we are. We forget that we are all connected, that experiences and compassion matter more than wealth and abundance. I grew up in an environment where possessions mattered more than our ties to our family and friends; I have experienced rejection because of things that shouldn’t even matter. And from experience I can say that this is wrong, that this is corrupt, and that indeed things are meaningless.

I have felt the power of connection, the thread that ties us all together and makes us all one. I have found a state of peace where I can forget the outside world and its atrocities in a moment of a gratification so profound that nothing can match it — all through human connection. The inverse will likely never be true for me: I will never forget myself in riches; I will never lose myself in power. Those things cannot make me feel complete. One of the best moments of my life was when, after sleeping just an hour the night before, one of my best friends and I hiked for 10 hours straight and at the end of the day, all we could say was this: “I feel alive.” No money could have bought that moment. Nothing could have replicated its simple beauty and perfection.

This idea is an important one, and one that needs to be more widely understood by the masses. People, not power. Experiences, not wealth. However, it is also one that cannot be transmitted easily because the belief in our society that wealth and possessions are everything is so deeply rooted that it would take a lot of effort to change. These ideas are not easily communicated through a newspaper article with lackluster language and a straightforward approach. It is more easily communicated through analogies, experiences, and memories.

It would be nearly impossible to sum up this idea in a single work. It would have to be transmitted through a variety of works, and possibly through a variety of different methods so that it is easily absorbed by a variety of different cultures. To accept this idea almost certainly also requires an inherent sense on the reader’s part that something is wrong. As such, avenues where specialized groups of people are exposed to writing would be acceptable: books, poetry, and blog posts among others. It would require a great amount of wordsmithing to express the beauty in human connections, but it is an important duty as human beings for us to understand this. And if we do, we can all feel complete — we can all feel alive.

CWC Ideas

Equality Utah

1. Alejandro Mora is the Associate of Development and Communications and as such would be my contact to start a communications campaign with them.

2. There are several audiences for the Equality Utah campaign, including the LGBT community, local legislators, and the community at large. 

3. The goal of the documents I create for them would be to raise awareness of LGBT issues in Utah and lobby for law changes supporting LGBT rights to create a more equal community. The ideal response from these documents would be a greater awareness of the issues and a greater willingness to do something about them.

4. I have thoroughly read their website and understand the challenges facing the organization, their guiding principles, audience, and goals. I understand that this is a tricky topic and that creating a communications campaign for them will be an interesting task in which I will need to consider the conflicting values of the different audiences for the documents.

5. I really want to work with a nonprofit that will make a direct impact on people’s lives and I think LGBT issues are very important in our community. One of my constant frustrations since moving to Utah is the inability for many people to accept and embrace the LGBT community, and I think this would be a great way to spread the message of love and equality.

6. Questions I would ask my potential contact are:

• What has your communications strategy been in the past? (Emails, mailers, social networking, etc.)

• How has the response been from this strategy? Would you say it was effective?

• How much time per week does your company already spend on communications?

• What would you like to see in an improved communications campaign?

• What are three main points you would like to get across through this campaign?

• What audience would you most like to target with this campaign? 

• How can we unite the three organizations under the Equality Utah brand? Would this even be worth pursuing?

• How would you like to see all the issues Equality Utah tackles united in a single campaign? (Should they all be included in every communication? Spotlight certain issues? Etc.)

• What is the process for approving each communication? Who all needs to approve it?

• Is there a specific look you would prefer for these communications? Will there be any branding issues?

International Rescue Committee

1. There is no staff list on the IRC website, however one potential contact would be Patrick Poulin, the executive director of the Salt Lake City office.

2. The audience for these communications would be the Salt Lake City community who are interested in the rescue of refugees and their placement in our community.

3. The ideal response would be a greater awareness for rescue efforts in our community and to have a community more open to accepting refugees in the future.

4. I have read through their website and have familiarized myself with the programs offered in the Salt Lake City area.

5. I would love to work with the IRC because human rights and humanitarian work are very important to me and something I would like to pursue after graduation.

6. Questions I would ask my potential contact are:

• What has your communications strategy been in the past? (Emails, mailers, social networking, etc.)

• How has the response been from this strategy? Would you say it was effective?

• How much time per week does your company already spend on communications?

• What would you like to see in an improved communications campaign?

• What are three main points you would like to get across through this campaign?

• What audience would you most like to target with this campaign? 

• Is there a specific aesthetic you would prefer for these communications? Will there be any branding issues?

• Will any legal issues come into play with these communications? (Including the need for confidentiality if we choose to do a “success stories”/”spotlight” section?)

• How will we unite the Salt Lake City IRC goals with the goals of the national organization? How will we differentiate?

• How important is it for us to market this as an important community effort rather than just a national organization?

CHOICE Humanitarian

1. Keith Ellis, the field communication specialist for CHOICE, would be my contact.

2. The audience for these communications would be socially-conscious community members who already have some background knowledge of the CHOICE Humanitarian organization.

3. The ideal response would be an impulse to create change through the CHOICE organization and to support them through donations or volunteerism.

4. I have read most of their website and understand their business model and target audience.

5. This would be a great opportunity for me because I ideally want to work with humanitarian aid / social justice nonprofits as a career. 

6. Questions I would ask my potential contact are:

• What has your communications strategy been in the past? (Emails, mailers, social networking, etc.)

• How has the response been from this strategy? Would you say it was effective?

• How much time per week does your company already spend on communications?

• What would you like to see in an improved communications campaign?

• What are three main points you would like to get across through this campaign?

• What audience would you most like to target with this campaign? 

• What aspect of CHOICE would you most like to highlight through these communications? (Donations, need for volunteers, community news, etc.)

• What role would you like your community partners to play in the communications?

• Ideally, how will you reconcile the news between the five countries you support in a single communication?

• Is there a specific aesthetic you would prefer for these communications? Will there be any branding issues?

Proposal Analysis

President Obama’s speech was a solid example of a topic prosposal because he provided adequate detail, engaged the audience and understood his purpose. He described the problem and gave background in the opening of his speech, talking about the struggle of the American family and expressing the need for immediate action. He gave a clear purpose with a clear method for achieving it, urging Congress the pass the bill that would create thousands of jobs around the nation. By outlining the benefits of the passing the bill, Obama expressed how the American people want and need for the bill to be passed, lending to the immediacy of the issue in the eyes of his audience.

It was obvious that Obama understood the precarious state of his audience from the onset. Through his language you can see that he had considered their values and predispositions toward the topic. He walked the thin line between urging his supporters to stand up for his beliefs and anyone who opposed the bill to change their views because it is what is best for the nation. He urged that creating American jobs is an integral part of their job, the job they were elected for, and that they need to meet their responsibilities.

Two things he could have improved on in his speech were addressing the schedule for the project and the costs associated with the project. It is great to say that he wants to cut taxes for the middle class, but where is that money going to come from? In order for one person’s taxes to decrease, does this mean someone else’s need to increase? In addition, there was no timeline provided for when the jobs would be created, leaving us unsure whether the benefits will go into place in one month or one year.

Research Methods

In our argument for an alternative study area for students, we will use internet research to create a basis for our argument. We will use information from other colleges and universities around the country that have alternative study areas to see how they are organized, staffed, and maintained. We will ensure that our sources are reputable and that the information is accurate and timely. This information will help us to create a foundation of knowledge about the topic and have support to back up our argument about how other schools utilize alternative study areas.We will keep detailed notes about the information we find, which we can then use to create the survey for interviews with students. 

Business Letter Final

Lexie 
1840 South 1300 East
Salt Lake City, UT 84105


Darla
1840 South 1300 East
Salt Lake City, UT 84105


August 31, 2011

Dear Darla,

First I would like to express how excited I am for the direction the Community Relations office is going this year and the amount of work we have been able to accomplish. It has been a very rewarding year for us and our events for the most part have been pulled off effortlessly. Now that First Year Student Orientation has concluded, the office’s student workers, including myself, have a few concerns about how the event was handled.

As you know, another work study student and I were asked to work during the scavenger hunt at freshman orientation. Things were awry from the beginning, when an official list of businesses that were supposed to be involved was not made available to us by the FYSO staff. We were forced to use an incomplete, obsolete list that we had received two weeks prior. Once out in the community, we realized that very few of the businesses had been informed of the event. By the second half, most business owners had pieced together what was happening in the event but still expressed that they would have appreciate prior knowledge. Throughout the day, only two businesses had been previously informed and had prepared handouts for the students.

Next year, I would recommend the community relations department have a greater involvement in the organization of the scavenger hunt from the beginning. We should notify businesses of the event at least a month and obtain a finalized list of business several days beforehand. We should  also have greater follow-up with the businesses after the event to ensure their satisfaction with their student-community interactions.

I believe if we take these considerations into account next year, we would have a much more successful and fulfilling event for both students and the community.

Thank you for your time,

-Lexie Banks

Working in Teams

Working on a team can be both a rewarding and challenging task. Among its many advantages, one advantage that has proved true for me has been that many minds working together produce a greater number of possibilities for writing and produce a greater quality of work all together. In a group essay I was required to write for a class, I was paired with a classmate who had many different useful skills than I had. However, writing collaboratively also requires more time throughout the process, as two people with conflicting ideas and opinions collaborate to create the end result. While writing the 8-page paper would have normally only taken a few hours, it took nearly twice as long to reconcile our opposing ideas and consolidate the mass of ideas into a single, cohesive paper.